Beauty in December
Beauty in December grows as grass grows long
Slow in the cold and tender leaf
Thawed at the root amid corn
growing hardy a stalk for winter’s long bake.
Long yellow grass pushes up as the summer’s tale disintegrates
And warm days simmer close to earth’s shocking ground.
Then, in the cold, our hearts meet
It’s the dust that never changed warmth
We thaw in summer’s cool mist gone astray
Seasons whack and time’s dumbbell sings.
Glory be to those who sing low.
Our songs maintain equanimity
A poem is where we stop.
Our hearts thwang.
McKinsey and her lowest stare.
Voices glisten from the cool dawn and we trade identity for polity.
Amen to that.
When Snow Meets Us There
Hope is a tree to swing from
Our temporary home
Things to branch out from
Summer days gone.
Like a hole or a missing piee
Exaggerations of truth
Extensions out toward the horizon
Feeling surmounts us and we arrive home again
To where we really belong
To our hope chest, to family, to overcoming hard things
And still loving one another nonetheless.
Notes
Summer heat expands and builds our world
The night comes on as a quiet moment
Dreams don’t always know where they hide
Moments transform, and sadness
Building a world night by night.
Don’t dream or keep the world apart
Moments that take us in and change us
Building a world day by day
The world apart, the world together
Invent, disperse, keep safe, O’ hollow night.
Dreams that wore their edges red
Sorrow that kept the rain out
And dreams that never were to be.
I salute you, and take on the night.
Following a dream and seeing where it takes you
Dreams that fly and take you in
Memories slow to unfold
Dreams that spin you wide and take you unawares
Why go where you go
See things strong and try again
Meeting you was one thing that happened
Dreams and then more love
Aching to hold you, who I do not love
And touch who I do not touch.
Where are you and what does your life mean?
Holding on and letting go–What does go mean?
Dreams, our lives, our love.
Sense of purpose–crossing over from hardship
Into what you know.
Into change–let go and move.
Change is knowing what comes next,
Love and homeship.
Day dream — travel — bring horses
Step out of your comfort zone
bring friends — try something new
then in the moments where we forget to breathe
knowing what comes next.
Memories of times gone past
Love and the steps we take towards it.
Memory and how to go where we go.
Freedom is not being scared to change who we are
and what we want.
The rose petals, the leaves on the trees.
Memories and closed doors:
no sensory entrance to the past
Just now and accepting what we have.
Memories spring and build again
Dreams–let’s move forward
Think about what matters and why
Dream a new day
Looking beyond to see new people
Dreamers and ready-makers
Flying towards invisible selves
Ready to unfold and become self
Heavy as the dew of dawn upon a leaf
Then, a window into something new
Trial but no error
When summers appears the mauve buds peak out
You don’t get what you need from empty windows
Or staring at stars, light years away
Some that is lost
in the morning, the fog rolls through our open window on the pier
we dream and hope comes our way
It’s summer that’s stalwart
and dreams that wait to become something
bigger than we know
Home is where the heart is and plants roots
This is the light we let gather together.
Have this notebook to let me sing
I become the queen of everything
Friendships, challenges, all the rest.
Journey beyond, the greatest test.
Not to hate, but just to love
Reading, journalling, all the above.
Holding friendships up on high
Draw a pixie, her dust spins by.
Even though time flies each day
My heart grows warmer anyway.
Songs and stories, home again.
Winsome voices, chagrin to pen.
It’s morning and the light starts to smoke from the west.
California–Shasta–mining towns and money flowing like water.
We’re in a new place, we came east and have fought to learn.
Warm–I remember Israel under the same sun.
Our people, mysteries cloaked.
A boy and his mom walk, hand in hand, arms swinging.
I go to where my heart fills,
under a sun never-changing.
I’m eager to possess the world and take on challenges.
Whether it will bend I cannot say.
Press forward now and into sunlight change.
It’s a thrilling new day
Jump from tree to tree
Take on a new challenge
Don’t be afraid to question reality
Enter a dark space, where you don’t know where to go.
Fillers that block the light
Time slows down, speeds up
The world moves around, but solid ground is hard to find.
Reaching may not give you peace.
Try a slow breath, hand reaching out to a friend.
Love is a question: will you embrace m?
A new song emerges from the quiet
Rustling in the dense forests,
Animals giving birth.
The quiet round corners of a perfect square.
Light quickened, forceful.
What’s beyond? What is happening that I cannot see?
Do you see me? Your outline faint, a brief image of you falling.
The rhythm of a fall, not just you, but who you are.
One night, I wrote a poem,
Against the cool hum of an air conditioner.
It was near August, and muddy.
I clambered through the town naked, hats off.
My energy ran like a loose wire.
We wrote poems to one another by telegraph in another room.
The cool wind from Maine started its way down south.
There’s no energy left, but a world of progress.
Right and wrong exchanged ideas.
I’m on my own, floating through sands.
I want to write a book, to hear stories
Channelled down the block, stories heard
and pronounced, bright.
Traveling through fortresses.
Friendships downplayed and giddy arrival.
Reaching an apex of love and gallantry, fade out o’ wounds.
Cave in, pressure and death lingers on in life.
As song spares no one.
Beauty is all-in-one.
Voices and a stillness pouring down.
Love has no reassurances but stillness,
and life as it moves onward.
Sometimes morning takes on a new shape,
We are gathering leaves in the forest.
Our hearts are open, unfurled.
As a sign, or an intricate flower
Opening at its start, when time signaled to.
Time flew back as space warped.
Friends climbed out of love and into knowledge.
What was sad or scary peeled away like an old sear.
And the morning was bright.
The now was opening like petals of rain.
We flew on, away from silence.
Beauty came, a single start that burned.
Then we grew, and flew.
Got everything done already.
Excited to be who I am.
Erasing what needs to fall away.
I learned to be myself, who I will become.
Nervous about changes and dreams and where things will go.
Trying to not feel sad about changes in life, but to feel excitement of everything.
Certain things can’t change now and I have to accept that.
Okay to just sit and think.
In the dark and not know why, flowing by, my heart’s a tool.
Quiet movement changes and evolves.
My job is hard and things are hard.
The fact that there’s free will and time to just try things.
Staying in my shack and going on.
Hope for the future and you don’t know why.
We are one and that’s how.
Spread angel’s wings and fly
Courage and try again.
Love is hurt and not flying.
I’m not someone who sits alone in a cold room.
The next day comes to me and I fly.
I wrote a dream and never gave up on my song.
Learn from one generation to the next.
They told a blank story and pocketed the proceeds.
We didn’t have money left
Grandma’s dead, so is the dope,
I’m out on parole.
I don’t know how to say to you
The stories that I know
You and I, we know everything
And love is who we are.
You and I, we are everything
And knowing that is true
Keeps us true to who we are
Anywhere that we may go.
I want to know your name
Are we just the same
How do you love my frame
When all bends away
When we have fallen sway
From the earth’s relay.
Do you stand to weigh
All of my love’s passe
When we have gone away
Do I remain in place
Or do I fall in May?
Give me a second’s chance.
Can I hope to stay
When we have gone away
Far from the orbit’s sway
I cannot hope or pray
I want to know your name
I want to know
Where I go
Wherever you are
May I stay
Hope that you are
All I know
Then we meet far away
Birds at Plum Island
I saw the birds begin to fly
Take wing they did and soar on by
I know their sad dance ends
Or so I know the day.
In between the biting wind
Love builds a nest that keeps us safe
I know my heart is full of life
And the day begins to shine.
Once a chance to nest is found
Stories built by deepest will
Fluttering my muscles will
As day may go away.
A Chorus of Birds
We saw a chorus of birds flying
Their wings caught in a sail
And the wind heavy on our backs
As we turned to face the past.
Motion, turning, and the world seen through a spy glass.
The wind picked up and we looked again
As the rain began to show–then sun.
I could not see for the sand in my eyes.
Far into the distance, a bigger bird flew by.
He looked at us askance and flew on, majestic as time.
Poem
It was a quiet morning and no rain fell.
Crickets chirped and the summer lazily escaped.
The wind wrapped us in brilliant force.
In the village square, conversation lingered.
A tent was made that sheltered lilies and butterflies,
Whose beauty longed to be somewhere else.
A girl slept the night through until morning
when the light seeped through.
It was a new month, so we counted the days until the fog
came, wrapping us in it.
A baby cried, newly born.
The shape of the world was oblong and triangular
Like a sieve to keep the sand out of Pharaoh’s eyes.
Poem
O beautiful sun
Raining down on me light
The vision of myself further defined.
I look to you for insight
As if seeing light could show me how to be.
Faded summer bright
Like old washed jeans
Keep pretense off and keep plying for detail.
Amidst the fog and rain
Which plays mercilessly upon our heads.
This Is Where I Stand
I don’t really have the answers
Nor do I stand at a lectern
But the words keep toppling round
I’ve got a thing to say now
Echoing away from the water
Please help me understand.
The words keep toppling down
Let’s go back
To where we came from
Thoughts that go around in a circle
But these words keep toppling down.
I don’t have a thought or a motion
Tearing words apart
With a stun gun, I don’t have the energy to say
Words are not enough
When we’re listening
Thoughts keep falling down
through the open
Words keep tumbling down…
I could say the truth
In a second
You’re a player goose
In a mannequin.
Your words don’t really hold me close to thought
I don’t know a way
To be honest
Back to where we start
In a moment
Words can’t follow you around.
Song for Passing Time
This is a song for passing time
And all that grieving holds
A heart that’s ancient as the sun
And miracles beheld.
The rain is given to each day
As potential for a song
And music holds each passing day
The music that we love.
So loving gives a taste of truth
That life cannot withstand
And seekers find the shape of things
That meaning holds within.
A song this is for passing time
And love within each stone
Holds memories and truths we’ve learned
As passing time can show.
Don’t feel sad or let the past weigh you down
The people you know could change or become different
You stay who you are.
The wind may blow and rainfall carry you far away.
But the things that you love stay the same as time flows by.
Even though you remember things a bit differently
The changes that take you away fly on by.
The reasons you are who you are
Are changing in every moment.
But things that are changing as the day goes on by
Don’t let the hurt keep you in
Fear that things fall apart
Or leave you alone.
Even though changes are hard
We can’t understand
The universe or what hurts us this way
The changes we’ve made fall away.
There’s a lot I don’t tell you these days
When time passes me by
The way that I know how to find you the best way I can.
And even without you I now it’s the truth
That time can drag on by regardless of you
What am I missing
It’s hard to count sheep in the dark…
With questions unanswered and pain that can’t end
I’m not sure I know what to think every bend in the road…in the end.
So speaking so sure doesn’t wear on me well.
And even the dark doesn’t gleam by your side.
Night is an endless emotion that doesn’t see well.
I’ve got a song for you
Accompanying by your side
We knew that we’d find our repose
So drafts that come in don’t seem destined to fly
And all of your love can’t replace itself easily now.
Notes
And love grew onward…
Past the seven seas
Though our wandering
Left us homeless
We came upon us on our knees.
Love is ancient
as the seven seas
Love grew onward
Through our village and wandering
set us free.
Through our wandering we learned of angels
Those who set us free
Though their honesty was blessed
Truth was lies to see.
In our village we have known love
Sacred as the sea
Though we wander we’re mistaken
If we let that be
As we travel through confusion
God just let that be
Our removal from the sacred
Caused us suffering.
On a quiet winter day
I made my way
Through forests thick and tangled.
And though my heart
Felt strong as salt
The wind came by and blew away my hat.
Oh fine dear trees as stiff and strong
As love itself burns brightly.
I find my heart chimes like a bell
Inviting in the stranger.
He knows no time and wanders thin
As a ghost crawling beneath door frames.
I’ve learned to love by memory
Each image comes and blows away
As leaves on an autumn’s morning.
At such times my heart is wavering–
And skips a beat–
So time knows well in silence kept I come by love to hold me.
It was cold in October and the sky was lit
Fairy tale gnomes living underground
Summer warmth dispelled like change.
Where the sun’s shadow left an angry cast
An elf lived alone.
One’s memories were not foretold but changed with time
An urgent layer to life’s mysterious hold.
Come look with me beneath the rock
And see what lurks–
A spider’s realm and dancing fairies
Hungry for a watch.
With memory as cold as rain
I saw the stars who saw in me
a promise kept and gifts who lay the sun dry.
I’ll hold you –as you hold me–
as passing through this life we come to see
the majesty of it all–
erased within one explosion’s kiss.
Fear must not abound when love’s truth keeps us.
And so the darkness kept me watch.
I had a dream of stars and travels along a road.
People going past whose lives were cut short.
Those who aimed to live a long time travelled faster
and entered a room where they saw visions and bet on their livelihoods.
We traveled by star spangled banner and chose our path among them.
It required a mathematical equation to get out alive.
As we fought and contested with lawyers,
we found the answers in our colleagues who traded wisdom for self-sacrifice.
We were let out free as we walked in single file.
A candy bar persuaded the lawyers to let us plant a garden in place of their high rise towers.
Then they were gone, no longer interested.
I thought of Robert Frost’s long walk in the woods, and Walt Whitman.
I thought of hands curling across a piano
then I thought of alliances across centuries,
or at least decades in a life,
people we have known, whom we care for and know.
Dreaming
I awoke from a dream and the rain fell across my memories like a blanket.
A small girl wandered around the town on her knees,
Tears coming out of her eyes as she realized who she was.
Her brother followed her in his toy car, determined to make her happy again.
When she woke up from the dream of a dream again, the rain fell harder and a violent storm shook the house.
The wooden room was as beautiful as a redwood tree.
The sun came out and shone upon the land.
It was a soft shine that nearly put her to sleep.
The world started to spin.
It was a new beginning.
She tore herself from all that she knew.
The day unfolded like a blanket, her thought processes became muddled.
Mistakes piled like old bikes against a dusty wall.
More Dreaming
I awoke from a dream, my memories dispersed like flowers leaving roots behind.
I wonder who I’m with, and they disperse.
People’s lives are like rings in a petal to fall open into one another.
Dreaming, and dreaming, into sleep, opening.
Anesthesia of song, memories held, then released.
Old places drawing fruit, song, like falling rain.
Windows open against the beating drum of wind.
Feeling blue, and sickness the opioid of rain.
Held and then suctioned off, like a baby seeking your attention.
First for itself, then ultimately turned towards you.
Wandering
Wander, wander, through the deep,
Find the place we make ends meet.
Though love may dawn and keep us separate
Voices heard bring us together.
Turning, turning, towards the light
Friends we’ve known do keep things bright
Turn a song and hold on faster
Germinating leaves and laughter.
Follow me down the lane, past the stone and up the Seine.
Though our memories aren’t the same
Our hearts sing on and wind away
Her same sad song as old as day.
Wanderers
Find a place to pause and rest
A place where love and virtue best
Support our goals and set us free
Amid nature and what we believe.
Around the world we travel strong
Or stay alone in some dark hall.
Family and friendship kept
Beauty, joy, and all the rest.
The mess we’ve made with love alone
Sends us flying on a drone.
Little do we know ourselves and who we shall become with time.
Let ticking clocks assure us when
To follow or to stay abend.
Love and beauty aren’t alone
To keep us warm when outside cold.
Notes
Songs poured out of me like grass.
Stories were told and proceeded out from around the city.
Little girls who were as saints.
Fog and wind through all the land.
Precious joy and sunshine’s fans.
Finding jewels and summer light
Business as usual, put up a fight.
Sunshine follows me home as in a boat like summer wind.
People came and went through all the land.
And we saw all they could see
Some songs stand tall as if height could give answeres
To questions brought underneath snow.
Dreams are footprints to follow through lazy fields
And love is what holds us together even as we are shaken by change.
Nadia Gardner 